


look at me (you're looking at you)

by Darth Occlus (NotSummer)



Series: deliverance [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Children, Force Visions, Gen, Kyber Crystals, Lightsabers, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Really Character Death, Omens & Portents, Prophetic Visions, Riddles, Temporary Character Death, The Gathering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 12:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSummer/pseuds/Darth%20Occlus
Summary: The Gathering is dangerous. It's challenging, mind bending, and it tests the resolve of even the most devoted Jedi.No one can doubt youngling Miyala's devotion, but there's a great deal of doubt in her skills.





	look at me (you're looking at you)

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write this eventually. Had to, actually. I've got a lot of finished fics that reference this trip for her.

Always the smallest, Miyala glared at the mass of younglings in front of her. She couldn’t see Master Yoda, and she needed to know what was going on. Clenching her one of her fists, she wrapped her other hand around her twin sister’s hand, and then gripped the Force, envisioning the space in front of her taller peers. Within a heartbeat, they were there, phasing through time and space.

She wasn’t supposed to Shadow Stride, but she grinned slyly at her sister. It wasn’t their fault they hadn’t gotten their growth spurts yet. And she needed to know what was going on. With her view unhindered, Miyala looked around the temple with wide blue eyes. It was more ice than stone or construct, and it sang in the Force of a storied legacy, the endpoint of thousands of Jedi pilgrimages.

Miyala pulled her clothes closer to her, shivering. Sinyata did the same, both of them bundled up in a dozen layers. Ancient Jedi grounds Ilum might have been, but it was _cold_ , and the two Twi’lek girls were of a desert species. “Younglings. The second class you are, to undertake the Gathering. For a Jedi, no greater honor or challenge there is.”

Miyala pulled her scarf closer, scowling underneath it. She knew she wasn’t as strong as the other younglings, and second class was a nice way of saying she was in the lower half of her youngling clan. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t do telekinesis or heal or mind trick like the others. She had other skills! They just weren’t… impressive.

“Time it is,” Master Yoda continued, ignoring the scattered twinges of bitterness and resolve from the younglings in the Force, “To build your lightsabers.”

“I knew it,” she whispered to Sinyata. “I overheard Master Raan and Master Yoda talking earlier.”

“They were in another part of the ship,” her sister whispered.

“I still heard them,” Miyala defended herself. She _had_. It wasn’t her fault she was a good listener.

“This is no simple task,” Master Raan rumbled, stepping up. The 300 year old Wookiee master wore no robes to keep out the cold: her fur was enough, although there was ice forming all over her shoulders and arms. “There are dangers ahead. Be cautious, be vigilant, and most of all, trust in the Force.”

“First, the doors we must open, hmm?” Master Yoda chuckled, and then turned to the giant doors. “As one, focus.”

“Reach out, younglings,” Master Raan roared, and Miyala closed her eyes.

Even through the wind slicing through her clothes to send it’s biting cold into her bones and the falling snow stinging her cheeks, Miyala reached, and everything seemed to go quiet and loud all at once. Master Raan and Master Yoda guided the younglings, through the force, and Miyala heard and felt the creak of the doors as the opened. The ice coating the doors cracked like a whip, and then fell into the snow with a crash. Opening her eyes, Miyala followed the Masters into the inner sanctum, her sister right at her side.

“The Force made physical, a Jedi is,” Master Yoda said as he guided them into the round inner sanctum. A dozen dark and empty passageways spiralled off from tha main room, but Miyala tore her gaze away from them to see Master Yoda leap onto the ancient carving in the center.

He held up a clawed green hand, his lightsaber floating out from his robes, spinning into pieces. The green crystal at the center gleamed in the Ilum sun, and Master Yoda spoke, “And the symbol of the Jedi, a lightsaber is. The heart of the lightsaber, the crystal is. Focuses the Force from the Jedi, it does.” The lightsaber spun back together and then lit up, slowly revolving as it floated. It sent green light scattering all over the icy surfaces, giving the Temple and eerie glow. “If Jedi you are to become, enter the crystal caves you must.”

Master Raan stepped forward. “Trust yourself, trust each other, and succeed. Do not linger though. As the day ends, the sun will set and freeze these doors. There will be nothing we can do.”

Miyala studied Master Raan, eyes narrowed. Her Masters had told her the Force could do anything, that nothing was impossible with the Force. She pushed it away. If Master Raan said they could do nothing, maybe there was something about Ilum? Miyala resolved to be quick.

The Masters had said to trust the Force, and Miyala closed her eyes, looking for her quarry. Opening them, she turned to her right. “Mine is this way,” she said triumphantly. She turned to pull her sister with her, but Sinyata frowned.

“Mine is that way,” she said softly. “We can get yours first and then mine?”

Miyala nodded. “Alright! We’ll do it together.”

The other younglings were already headed toward other caves. Miyala grinned at Jyssa, who grinned back at her before she loped into a cave of her own. Jyssa was the second best finder in their class, right after Miyala.

Sinyata and Miyala started to head towards the cave calling Miyala, but Master Yoda hobbled in front of them. “Calling, different paths are. The last time, this will not be.”

A shiver ran down Miyala’s back, and she protested, “But we do everything together.”

“Attachment that is, youngling. Accept your different paths, you must. Fail you both will, if continue together you do.” Master Yoda’s ears drooped, watching them with ancient eyes. “Know how to work together, a difficult skill can be. But working separate, a harder lesson is, hmm?”

Both girls slumped, although there was still fight left in Sinyata. Miyala closed her eyes, and then softly said, “Yes, Master Yoda.” If she was going to be a good Jedi, she was going to have to listen and do hard things. She took a deep breath, and slanted. “Master Xua said there is no contemplation, there is only duty, and that means we should listen to those wiser than us, even if we have doubts, because they know what’s best,” she recited.

“Talked to Master Xua, you have?” Master Yoda looked troubled, even as Sinyata looked curious.

“Yes, Master,” Miyala said, “She was the only one who could find me and Jyssa and Ata when we were playing hide and seek.” She held her sister’s hand tighter.

“Hmm,” Master Yoda said, looking older. He did not elaborate, and only said, “Go. Find your crystal. Alone.”

The twins nodded, giving each other wistful looks, and then headed for the entrances calling them. Miyala jogged, her head bent low to try and keep a better eye on the slippery floors. There was little light here, but she had better vision than humans, and so she was still able to make out much of her surroundings. Ancient and massive icicles formed great stalactites and stalagmites, some of them connecting into columns.

The Force whispered of danger ahead, and Miyala dodged behind one of the columns. It was getting darker, and her vision was failing. Master Raan had warned of danger, and she had heard whispers of younglings getting injured or even killed on their Gatherings. She peered out, squinting, but she couldn’t see anything.

She clenched her fists, glaring into the void before her. She wasn’t going to get hurt. She was going to be a Jedi, and she was going to be a noble defender of peace and justice! And Jedi weren’t scared. She was going to be a guardian. Miyala pulled the Force around her, cloaking her presence like she did when she was playing hide and seek with the other younglings.

She kept to the edges, looking out for whatever was pushing the increased sense of warning and danger in the Force around her. Something moved in the darkness, and the air blew past her from the displacement. Miyala went still, standing on a ledge before a dropoff. There was only blackness beyond, but her crystal was there. Something rasped along the ice in the darkness before her, and Miyala took an involuntary step back.

Maybe she was scared.

“Well, well, there’s a little Shadow in my lair.” The voice clawed its way out of the darkness, sharp and feminine and rumbling and animalistic all at once. The owner of the voice moved again, and for half a second, Miyala thought she saw scales reflecting the barest hints of light that had gotten this far. “Are you going to come out and fight?”

Miyala slipped behind a stalagmite, pressing her shoulder into its icy surface. They hadn’t been allowed to bring weapons. She peered around the icy crag, looking into the darkness. Her crystal was behind the voice.

“Come out, prud’ika,” the voice purred. A scaled and taloned claw slid out of the darkness. The sharp tips of the talons dragged along the ice, screeching angirly and sending piercing echoes through the cave, repeating over and over, doubling back on itself until it reached a crescendo. Miyala clapped her hands over her earcones, wincing and dropping into a crouch.

The claws ripped closer, until one of them was dragging over the icy spike Miyala was hiding behind. She couldn’t stay in her spot, and brushing a frozen tear away from her cheek, she pulled the Force closer, and jumped over the gouges, before dropping down into the blackness.

The Force told her she was running underneath it, but Miyala could see nothing. She could hear the shrieking roars of the dragon, and she could hear its claws slamming into the ice where she had been just heartbeats before. She jinxed and twisted and jumped and sprinted, desperate to follow the Force, to succeed.

The screaming bellows were nearly overwhelming, and Miyala slipped, falling down. The dragon laughed as she struggled to right herself, and the Force wailed a warning. Instinctively, Miyala threw her hands up, and a golden light spread out as a Force Barrier shimmered to life in a dome around her.

The claws slammed down on the barrier, but they could not break it, and through the golden shimmer, Miyala could see the creature that had been chasing her. It was a dragon, similar to the Krayts of Tatooine, but winged, and a white-blue covering of scales. It was spattered with red scales, mostly on its head and shoulders and back, and its eyes were mismatched, one yellow and one purple. There was an odd gleam to them, and the dragon lowered its head, the golden eye peering through her barrier, fixed on the terrified eight year old. Its scales raised and lowered as it considered Miyala’s terrified posture within the barrier.

Miyala swallowed as she stared at the markings on the twin horns sprouting from the back of its head and the headdress it wore. They were hers. Her markings, her headdress, but sized for a dragon. She scooted back, and the dragon laughed, raising her head back up before slamming her claws back down on the barrier. “You won’t last. You won’t be able to save yourself. You really think you can save others?”

Miyala swallowed, unable to find words to protest, but she watched, and right as the claws crashed down again, she pushed out and then to the side with her barrier. The dragon’s claws slammed into the ice, shattering it, and then off balance, slipped to the side.

It was enough, and Miyala dodged for the cave tunnel the light of her barrier had revealed. The dragon raced after her, invisible again without the light of the barrier. Miyala could hear the slamming of the footfalls into the ice behind her, getting closer with each hit.

She dove into the tunnel with a Force and panic powered burst of speed, and skidded, her side smacking into the dead end. She reached out with the Force, seeking her crystal, and then gasped, raising her hands to try and muffle her sobs.

Her crystal wasn’t here. She had been tricked by the Force. It was close, but it wasn’t here! More tears leaked out, freezing nearly instantly on her cheeks in the cold. She was supposed to be a Jedi! That meant she couldn’t fail. She couldn’t.

The dragon’s voice rumbled from the entrance of the tunnel. “How much do you trust the Council? They sent you here to die, little shadow. They’ll look an army in the eyes and dismiss them. They’ll let a child take the fall for treachery she had no part in. They’ll ruin their Chosen One.” The dragon’s claws slammed into the entrance of the tunnel, trying to widen it so it could reach her. “Jedi don’t care! Jedi care about nothing!”

Miyala rubbed at her cheeks, balled up as far from the entrance as she could. “The Council does care! They’re the wisest Jedi, the strongest! You’re wrong!” She glared at where she knew the dragon was.

“Goddess, you really believe that? Foolish, _foolish_ , little shadow. The darkness is coming. It’ll swallow you whole if you never learn to question. You can’t trust anyone. Your closest friends will all turn on you! Even if they don’t want to. They’ll all betray you. The Jedi will use them, and the Sith will control them. And no one’s going to care, but at least the Jedi will be dead.”

“Stop speaking in riddles! You’re wrong! The Jedi are protectors and peacemakers, only bad people hate us! Our friends would never turn on us!” Miyala lifted her head slightly from where she was curled up, glaring out.

“Oh, but I’m being _helpful_. When you meet the army of one, then you’ll know. Nothing I’ve said has been a lie, little child.” The dragon laughed. Miyala could see its eyes watching her, mocking her. “All they want is power, little shadow. And you’ll be just another one of their tools. Just another saber to strike where the Council thinks it best, no matter what’s truly right or wrong or fair or justified.”

“You’re lying,” Miyala sniffled. The dragon had to be lying, it had to be.

“Oh, little shadow. You lost child. Someday you’ll learn.” The dragon’s mocking tone turned sympathetic, and Miyala caught her eye once more as she peered into the tunnel. “If you don’t learn to question, to think for yourself, you’ll die. You’ll die at the hands of the one you love most. Because you never questioned, and you did not take steps to prevent what is to come.”

Two talons dug into the ice at the cave entrance, and remembering her Barrier, Miyala concentrated. A small golden bubble hummed into existence, and then flickered out, but it was enough for Miyala to read the 66 carved into the wall.

She glanced back at the dragon. Whatever riddles it was speaking in, it hadn’t lied. There had been no distinctive hint of a lie through the Force, and Miyala could almost always tell when people were lying.

Miyala shook her head. That was wrong: the dragon had to be lying. This was just another test: a test of her faith and commitment to the Jedi. The Force was lying so it could test her resolve. She glared at the dragon again, tracking its eyes, and then she inhaled sharply.

The eyes.

She reached for the barrier again, reaching for the skill she had hidden the minute she realized the other younglings besides her sister didn’t have it. She pulled at the quiet secret practice she had put in in the dark of night, and she wrapped a barrier around herself, one of her largest yet.

The golden glow lit up the cavern, throwing the dragon into bright light. It screamed, clawing at the air as it spasmed and tried to turn away. Miyala blinked, curious suddenly. The dragon was missing its left arm. It spread its white wings, seeking to use them to block out the light, and Miyala stared upwards at the massive icicles hanging on the ceiling.

She closed her eyes, steeling herself, and then reached, sending a flat barrier ripping through the base of the icicles, sending them plummeting downwards. The spears of ice pierced the dragons hide and wings, pinning it to the ground as deep purple blood dripped from its wounds. It gave one last wail, and let it’s head drop.

It stared at her still, pinned and wounded but not dead, and then murmured, “I’m you, child. I’m everything you could be. But you refuse to question, to even see the Jedi for what they are!” It strained again, but the effort was too much and it exhaled hard.

“I know what the Jedi are! We’re keepers of the peace! Scholars! Protectors!” Miyala balled up her fists, stepping closer to the ledge, but careful to stay within her barrier.

The dragon shook its head, asking mournfully, “Is that what you see? Or what you have been told to see?”

“It’s what I’m going to do,” Miyala replied hotly, “I’m going to help people.” She took another step forward, stiffening her spine.

“The conviction of a child,” the dragon said, shaking its head. “Perhaps you will help. Perhaps you won’t.”

Miyala glared at it. “I will help. And you’re not going to stop me. You’re just a test. You’re not real.” With her final words she looked up at the ceiling again, and then used another barrier to break off one last icicle. She let the barrier around her dissipate, sending the cave into blackness as the last shard of ice pierced the dragon's heart.

The dragon shrieked, and then fell silent. The rasp of scales on ice stopped, and Miyala grimaced. She didn’t like hurting things, even if they were just Force constructs. She let a few minutes go by, and then summoned a tiny barrier. The sphere hovered above her hand, no bigger than a muja fruit. It cast a soft golden glow around her, and slowly, Miyala crept through the ice field, wandering through the icy stalagmites and columns.

The dragon had disappeared, but Miyala slowly crept around a corner, and she saw herself, much older, leaning back on a fallen icicle, watching her sadly. Her white cloak flared out around her, mimicking the white wings of the dragon. Her older self let out a sad laugh. “You’re brave, little shadow. Prud’ika.” Her breathing was wet, ragged, and there was a darkening spot on her robes where her heart was, but her voice was still strong, if a little breathy.

Miyala knelt in front of her older self, close enough to touch. There was no more danger, not now. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Because that is what we are. Because that is what my heart calls me.” Tears slipped down her older self cheeks, but her eyes were far away, glowing with love for someone, for the heart she was talking about. “Keep being brave, prud’ika. There are dark times ahead. You have great joys and great sorrows ahead of you.” Her head dipped down, and then she added quietly, “Grave dangers as well.”

“What the dragon told me, was it real?” Miyala reached out, putting her hand on her older self’s knee.

Her older self moved, picking up Miyala’s hand, and dropping something into them. “The dragon is always part of us,” she replied quietly. “It feeds on anger, and bitterness, and despair. The dragon is of the Dark Side. Know her well, but heed her words with caution. She does not see things the way they always are.”

Miyala looked down into her hand to see the crystals. She stared at them for a moment, and then looked back up. “So question everything, but question her as well?”

“Take nothing for granted,” her older self coughed, “But within reason. You must be able to trust. Now go. Leave. Finish your trial.”

“But what about you?” Miyala refused to move, sitting down on the ice. “You’ll die alone.” The words felt stupid as soon as they came out.

“I am but a vision. And you will not die alone. Your heart will be waiting then.” Her older self reached up, placing a comforting hand on Miyala’s shoulder. “Be strong, prud’ika. Now go. The Jedi are waiting for you now.”

She turned into dust and smoke as Miyala backed away, blowing away into nothing, and leaving no trace she had been there but for the fallen icicles. Miyala looked around the cavern once more, her eyes tracing over the icy walls. The carved 66 on the back tunnel’s entrance caught the light of the barrier once more, and Miyala hesitated.

The Force shivered. Miyala shook her head. It was just another riddle from something’s skewed point of view. There was no army of one, there was no child who’d take the fall, there was no Chosen One, and she wasn’t going to be betrayed. She stalked towards the entrance, putting the riddles out of her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy handed symbolism? Probably.


End file.
